tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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