He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
