i used baking grease as lip gloss
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize