Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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