One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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