happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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