and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
