My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
