Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
