Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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