Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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