Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
