I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
