I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
