I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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