why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
