i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sobbing to NWA
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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