Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
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I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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