He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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