If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
