Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
