Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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