Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
True strength comes from lack of pants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
