Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
