He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
