he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
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she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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