the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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