Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
