that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
