This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
