4 words: hood of his car
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
