Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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