I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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