watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
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did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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