U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
