well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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