i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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