No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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