i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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