Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
