When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize