So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
