I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
