You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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