Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I cannot find my penis.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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