who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
