I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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