I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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