i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
