he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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