Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
