textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
