What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
