I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
