If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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