They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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