im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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