i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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