I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
