one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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