I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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