If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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