At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
