My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't turn off my feet"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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