I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
