I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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