Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
