It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
