u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
