i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize