real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
