I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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