The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
