Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
