I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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