u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
