How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
