after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorry my hands just texted you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
